Friday, February 12, 2010
As my close friends would know, I have a deep, penetrated hatred against Mats. They and their floating caps and skinny jeans, they make me puke. If I could, I would gather all the Mats in the world, compress them together with Blu-Tack, put them in a giant blender and watch them all die. But I have always had questions about what goes on in a Mat's (small) brain, & I thought that the only way to get answers, is to ask one. So I did.
Meet Mat. He's my longtime friend. He's a hardcore Mat. He refuses to let me publish his name on my blog. That's because he's highly embarrassed by my questions. And his answers. Yeah, I just love tormenting the Mat&Minah community.
Syu (S) : Okay, ready?
Mat (M) : *sighing uncomfortably* Yes. I think.
S : Okay, first question. Why do mats wear caps that are three times way too small for their heads?
M : Are you talking about trucker/floating caps? Eh, nice what! Gives off the illusion that we're taller, then more macho. Equals more minahs!
S : Is it true that you guys store your handphones and wallets in that floating caps of yours? And that your head will vibrate when your phone rings?
M : *sheepishly* Sometimes, I do. Very convenient, okay! Hello, we don't go around carrying handbags, right!
S : Don't your handphone and wallet drop off when you walk?
M : Your question damn stupid sial.
S : Fine ah, next question. When mats wear skinnies, don't their 'thing' feel squashed?
M : WHAT SORT OF QUESTION IS THAT?!
S : It's a question from my friend (Hanan). She wants to know, I'm curious too!
M : Hmmm, okay let's put it this way, when girls wear skirts, do their 'things' feel squashed?
S : Wtf, of course not.
M : Same goes for dicks and skinnies, clever.
S : Whatevs. Why must mats have corny screen names, like Abu Boiboi or something like that? Even you have a mat screen name!
M : HAHAHAHAHA, ABU BOIBOI BEST SIAL! Actually, I don't know. Cool what, not meh? Eh, I change my name to Abu Boiboi later, okay! Nice sial.
S : Ugh, moving on. Why do mats carry camera bags around, when they don't own cameras?
M : EH I NEVER!!
S : I also never say you! Like, in general.
M : Oh, uh I think they want to step rich. Or they need the space for their many packets of cigs.
S : Why do mats like to play their guitars and jiwang under HDB blocks?
M : Freedom of expression! Mats get stressed at life too you know, they need a way to express themselves. If we play guitar in Macs or shopping centres, confirm kena chase out sial. Can attract minahs also! Then, if hungry or need to go toilet, can just go up and get food what.
S : Ya, then under the block make alot of noise, play soccer, sing like as if you own the estate...
M : AND JUMP AND SHUFFLE!
S : -rolls eyes- ( but he couldn't see it cause it was over the phone)
S : Do mats go for minahs with face or boobs?
M : Eh, what kind of guy do you think I am?!?
S : A manwhore?
M : FINE!
S : FINE!!
And then I hung up. Seriously, talking to a Mat for 7 minutes is enough to last me the whole year. The best part is, this faggot called me back two minutes later to ask if Macs still sells Milo McFlurry (?). I rolled my eyes and hung up.
Pee-ass : It took me forever to correct his English and traslate everything from Malay to English. Mf faggot.
